How to cope with losing your baby

Losing your baby is a heart-wrenching experience. When a baby is lost through ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, or miscarriage, there is not only the physical shock for the mother to cope with, but the emotional pain as well.

Talking it out

In the first few days and weeks of such a loss, the anguish and upset can be all-consuming. Time does heal, but losing a baby is something that is always remembered. We need to help ourselves to let go of the pain and hurt and to grieve for the baby we have lost. We can take a step on the road to recovery by talking it out. To sit down, explain your emotions and shed tears as part of the healing. Talking to family members and friends can help, especially if they have gone through a similar loss. Sometimes though it can help to talk to a professional or a counselor, especially if you are depressed. They are trained to help you cope with losing your baby.

Writing may help

If you’re not yet up to talking or you feel that you’re all talked out, try out something that you can do for yourself, like writing down your thoughts and feelings. If it helps, you can write a story or a poem addressed to your baby. You could also write your baby a letter. This is a writing therapy technique which helps you to express your grief and emotions after losing your baby. You can write down how you are feeling, what you would have planned for the future and how you will remember your baby now. This can be tucked away with any other mementos you have or buried out in the garden under a memorial shrub or plant.

Back to nature

There is something soothing about being with nature when you are grieving. Planting a shrub or tree will get you out of the house and give you a physical way of dealing with losing your baby. Having a place to visit will give you time to think and give you breathing space while you get your life back on track. Having a memorial plant will also brighten your mood when you see it blooming in spring, and it will remind you that there is a circle of life for all things.

Whether you talk or write out your anguish of losing your baby or plant a remembrance tree, you need to look after yourself. Losing your baby is one of the biggest life changing transitions you can go through. Spend time on yourself to make you feel better. This may be hard in the early days, but in the days to come, treat yourself and help yourself to feel good again. There is no shame in grief. Every mother needs to mourn the loss of their baby but also move on emotionally and prepare for better times ahead.