Domestic violence: breaking the silence

Domestic violence is understood as repeated, abusive behavior, which can be physical, emotional, psychological–or a combination of the three–by one individual against another in the context of a relationship. Many times, the culprit is a boyfriend, a husband, or even a family member, such as a father. In 2009, Mariah Carey spoke out about her own experience with her ex-husband Tommy Mottola, whose controlling ways ultimately led to their divorce. The stories of celebrities, such as Carey’s, promise to give courage to women who feel voiceless or disempowered by their abuser’s debilitating manipulations. Because domestic violence can do permanent, physical damage and leave emotional scars, it is important to abandon an unhealthy relationship as soon as possible. Domestic violence is considered a heinous crime and is unacceptable regardless of the situation.

Many women who are victims of abuse from a partner feel helpless for many reasons: shame, dependency (both emotional and economic), and fear of retaliation. Women must always remember that domestic violence is a sickness, that it is cyclical, and that the only way to stop it is by disabling the perpetrator. Trying to reason with the person in question would be useless, as they will not see their actions as wrong. Because many offenders have a history of abuse and perhaps were even abused themselves at some point in life, challenging them may even cause the violent behavior to escalate.

Evidence of physical trauma, worrisome changes in behavior, depression, and general withdrawal are all possible telltale signs of someone in an abusive partnership. Sadly, women who endure this treatment also already suffer from low self-esteem, either prior to or as a result of the relationship, which makes breaking free all the more difficult. These women need to realize, however, that no man determines their value and that severing all bonds is the only true defense.

While men who abuse may appear powerful and authoritative on the surface, the truth is that they exploit their violent tendencies to compensate for their own lack of self-worth and insecurities. A man who truly loves a woman would be incapable of inflicting this type of harm. For this reason, a man who beats a woman, prohibits her from having friends, limits her social activities, constantly degrades her, or enforces any other demeaning act upon her over and over again is only capable of hatred.

Nobody deserves to live with domestic abuse. If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, seek help immediately from a clergy member, a counselor, or your local police. You can also call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). There are laws to protect you and people out there who care.