“I love you”: taking the plunge and saying it

Few things are scarier than uttering those three little words for the very first time with your new man. We all know what they are, and you’re both feeling it, so why not say it? “I love you.” There. Was that so hard? Well, yes and no. Being the first one to say it means really putting yourself out there. It leaves you vulnerable and feeling naked and comes with a whole host of what ifs. Nobody wants to say it only to have it left hanging. It’s like a lightning rod just hovering in the air if it’s not met with an immediate, “I love you, too!” So should you say it? Or should you wait for him to say it first? Trust your instincts.

So you’re thinking of throwing caution to the wind and saying it. Saying “I love you” is a big step. Think long and hard before you say it. If you’ve caught yourself time and again thinking it, and you’ve almost slipped and said it on more than one occasion, explore your feelings closely before you let loose. Do you really love him, or are you caught up in some sort of infatuation? New love and all the giddiness that accompanies it can carry you away. Think about this before you commit to telling your man you love him. While you’re at it, ask yourself how you’re going to react if the sentiment isn’t returned in kind.

A safer tactic to the “I love you” dilemma is waiting for him to say it. Depending on the man and his past track record, this could take awhile. Men are often a lot more cautious with their emotions. They’re every bit as scared as you are and aren’t as apt to risk getting rejected. After all, men are usually the ones taking all the risks when it comes to initiating romance. So if your particular man has had a rough go of it in the past with the women in his life, be patient with him. If he truly cares about you, he’ll come around and eventually say it when he’s sure you won’t shoot him down.

Things have been humming along smoothly for six months and still no “I love you.” How long is too long before you’ve got a right to know what the heck is going on with this guy? A lot of it depends on the depth of the relationship. If you haven’t heard it by now and you have developed strong feelings for him and you’d like to know where this is going, it’s not unreasonable for you to broach the subject.

If you do ask him, this is not a free pass to start a drama-filled scene. He hasn’t committed a crime by not saying “I love you” yet, and your acting indignant or accusatory is not going to help matters. Calmly ask him if he sees a future together and if he cares enough about you to continue with this relationship. If he says yes, then it’s up to you to determine how much longer you can wait to hear those three little words.