Deal with lack of communication and improve your relationship

Good communication helps you to understand each other, and build trust and respect in the relationship. Since lack of communication hinders growth in your relationship you will need to adjust your communication style to facilitate openness. Here are four tips to help you improve your communication skills, encourage your spouse to open up, and to improve communication patterns in your relationship

Listen to what your husband has to say. If he feels that you are listening, and want to hear what he is saying, it is more likely that he will open up. To listen effectively to your husband you need to pay attention. This tells him that you are in tune with him, but it also helps you to listen carefully to his needs and concerns.

Watch your nonverbal messages; your husband is able to read them as cues that indicate the quality of your presence to him. Similarly, active listening involves understanding your husband’s verbal and nonverbal messages. As he speaks, repeat what you think he is saying, or ask for clarification to make sure you understand, and then encourage him to continue through use of appropriate short comments.

Empathy means communicating to your spouse that you understand his point of view. When you see your husband’s perspective, even though you might not agree with it, this helps to improve and develop your relationship with him. He’s better able to express and clarify his feelings, opinions, or needs. Empathy builds trust, and paves the way for your husband to open up and share his deepest thoughts and feelings

Take time to promote conversation with your husband. Use open-ended instead of closed questions. Open-ended questions help your husband to better elaborate and express how he is thinking and feeling. So you might say for example, “Could you tell me more about that?

The first word of some open-ended questions is likely to determine what your husband will say. “What” questions often lead to facts. For example, you may ask your husband, “What happened at work?” However, “could“ questions are less demanding, so instead you might say, “Could you tell me more about what happened at work?” This is likely to help him to open up to the conversation.

One reason your spouse is reluctant to share what he is thinking could be that he fears how you might respond. Try to respond positively, and don’t impose your views and opinions on him. Feedback is most useful when your husband asks your opinion about his behavior and attitudes.

When you give him feedback, focus on his strengths, because the lack of communication could result from low self-esteem. Your responses should help your spouse to grow from his strengths. Similarly, make your feedback concrete and specific. So instead of saying, “You are a good husband,” you could say “You are compassionate, kind, and you provide for your family”

Be sure to use “I” statements, this will convey what you want to say without offending your husband . Also, describe your husband’s behavior rather than judging it. This encourages him to hear the feedback less defensibly, and opens the way for conversation where he can share what he is thinking.