If your adult son is in a relationship with an over controlling girlfriend you can’t make the decision to stop seeing her on his behalf. Even if it is not an abusive relationship that will require more serious intervention, you might need to take a more balanced approach to the issue. Here are five tips to help deal creatively with the situation, and promote a healthy relationship with your son.
Try to approach the issue in a more sensitive way, where you let go of your parenting role, while offering some guidance to your son. Keep calm, and keep your emotions under control. Strive always to be civil and respectful in your interactions with your son’s girlfriend. Be ready to voice your concerns about your son’s over controlling girlfriend. You could speak to someone who you respect about the situation; you might get some helpful insights to help you continue being a positive influence in your son’s life.
You might need to reflect deeply on the issue and ask yourself some questions, and then try to give honest responses. Here are two questions you could ask yourself. What is the evidence that my son’s girlfriend is being over controlling? Is my response to the situation, an honest desire to see my son in a happy and satisfying relationship? Your reason for disapproving of the relationship could be that you feel your son’s girlfriend is not is good enough for him and not the girlfriend’s over controlling behavior. Take some time to work through how you really feel about the relationship, and let go of any negative emotions.
Despite her negative qualities of being an over controlling girlfriend, it is highly likely that she also has some good qualities. Find out from your son what qualities his girlfriend has that he finds attractive. You might see a new perspective on your son’s girlfriend. Similarly, is your son’s girlfriend making him happy? Even more, see her as a person of worth, even though you don’t approve of her behavior.
It is likely that your values and attitudes are different from your son’s girlfriend, but you need to respect the fact that she is different. Try to promote open and honest communication with her. In getting to know her better, you might find she is quite likeable. Instead of criticisms, practice empathy where you are able to see her point of view, even if you don’t agree.
If you still have concerns, talk to your son about them in a nonjudgmental and considerate way. It is better to get the issue out in the open, than to allow a continued undercurrent of mistrust to destroy the relationship between you and your son. Get it out in an honest, but kind and understanding manner. Explain your concerns about the relationship to your son, and assure him that, even though you have misgivings about his relationship, you still love him. Give him the opportunity to express himself, and actively listen to what he has to say. While things might not change with your son’s over controlling girlfriend, you want to continue the caring and supportive relationship you have with him.