What your lovey-dovey Facebook posts really say about you

If you’re not one of those couples who post public love messages to one another on Facebook, chances are you at least know a couple who does, and while the romantic sentiment may seem sweet, researchers say there could be another reason for the tender PDA.

It’s normal for someone in a relationship to occasionally brag about their significant other on social media; after all, two people in love want to make one another feel special and appreciated.

There are couples, however, who post romantic messages all the time, and experts from Alright College say this can be a sign one–or both–parties are experiencing fears of rejection.

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According to Assistant Professor Gwendolyn Seidman and her colleagues, posting frequent love messages can be one partner’s way of spying on or regulating another individual through social media. Facebook, for example, allows you to “tag” another person in a post, and your love message will appear not only on your own news feed for your friends to see, but on that other person’s as well. Someone who feel insecure in their relationship can use this as a way to demonstrate to others they have a “claim” on the individual tagged in the post.  It is also a way for the insecure party to track social media activities, monitoring who comments on posts and who is a frequent visitor to their significant other’s page.

Overall, Seidman and her team found users high in Relationship Contingent Self-Esteem (RCSE), an unhealthy variety of self-esteem that depends on how well the relationship is going, were more likely to post affectionate content related to their relationship. If something bad happened in the relationship, a lovey-dovey post was sure to follow.

“These results suggest that those high in RCSE feel a need to show others, their partners and perhaps themselves that their relationship is ‘OK’ and, thus, they are OK,” Seidman told MNT.

But social media insecurity will likely manifest in other ways in the relationship, so it is important not to jump to conclusions based on Facebook posts alone. According to a report from Psychology Today, there are some common personality traits that indicate a person is insecure in a relationship. These will appear in everyday activities and include:

• Smothering the other person with attention.
• A need for constant reassurance and approval.
• Sudden jealousy and possessiveness.
• Unwarranted distrust.

While those characteristics may seem like huge red flags in a relationship, experts indicate the warning signs aren’t always glaringly apparent. Distrust, for example, can be disguised with questions that suggest concern, such as: “You weren’t at the office when I called, did something happen with your car?”

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All in all, though concerning, social media monitoring should be added to the list of insecure behaviors a person may exhibit, but not used as a singular indication someone has an issue.

It can be argued that, even if an insecure person constant posts romantic messages, the practice shouldn’t bother his or her significant other if the relationship is truly stable. The only people such posts tend to bother are those who have no part in the relationship but constantly see the updates on their news feed.