Being comfortable with oral sex

Oral sex: you either love or hate it, or maybe you're just one of those people that doesn't care either…
Being comfortable with oral sex
Foto: Photo by Orofacial via CCL

Oral sex: you either love or hate it, or maybe you’re just one of those people that doesn’t care either way about it. However, it’s bound to come up in any normal, healthy adult relationship. But what do you do if you’re just not comfortable with it and you’re trying to get past it? Some people are OK with receiving it, but not happy at the thought of reciprocating, others are simply turned off by the subject altogether. If you’re in a relationship where this is an issue you should explore your feelings behind it.

So, you’re in a relationship where the issue of giving oral sex to your partner has become just that, an issue. If you’re just not into it, it can seem like a real chore, and an unpleasant one at that. There are a variety of reasons surrounding this act of intimacy that may be at the root of your abhorrence for it, and most of them are psychological. If you were raised to believe that it’s wrong, or that the act itself is somehow dirty or immoral, this could take some getting over. Sex is the personal expression of love and pleasure between you and your partner, and pleasing one another, and fulfilling one another’s needs in and out of bed is important. Remember, oral sex has been around a long time for giving pleasure, as long as copulation has been around for purposes of reproduction. It’s nothing new, and it’s not meant to degrade or embarrass. It’s just another form of stimulation intended to bring pleasure, and there’s nothing wrong with it as long as both parties consent to it.

If something is not causing you physical pain, and it brings pleasure to another, is there a cause for refusing it altogether? If you’re not comfortable receiving it, ask yourself why. Are you embarrassed by the act itself? Are you worried about hygiene issues, or that it’s unhealthy, or you could each catch something if you give or receive oral sex? As long as you both have a clean bill of health when you begin your relationship, and neither of you strays, you can quit worrying about it. It’s not going to happen. If you are embarrassed by it, this, once again, probably stems from your upbringing, and it’s something you can probably get over if you’re willing to try. It’s just going to take time, patience, and a little understanding from your partner, which he should give you plenty of.

Discussing your issues about oral sex with your partner may be painful or embarrassing for you at first, but you’re both adults and it needn’t be. The next time it comes up take the opportunity to talk to your partner about the different feelings you’re experiencing surrounding the subject and voice your concerns. Your partner may try to joke about it to lighten the mood, but he shouldn’t belittle your feelings or make fun of them. You may want to consider discussing it with a sex therapist or counselor first, to discover what’s at the root of it, so you can come to terms with it.

Once you’ve gotten past your initial concerns with it, take your time with it and ease into it. There’s no rush. Try to relax and let the mood and sensation wash over you. Talking openly about it, and giving each other verbal or physical cues as to what feels good and what doesn’t during the act, whether you’re on the giving or receiving end, will help tremendously.