How to deal with your ex-husband

Marriages can be a tough commitment to keep to, and the divorce rate only goes up every year. The problems that ended the special love you felt for each other, will dictate how you deal with your ex-husband. If there were a lot of disagreements during the marriage, about the kids, or financial matters, things get a little more complicated. There are things you can do to avoid getting into big arguments and to move on without having to keep suffering.

Keep a peaceful relationship

• Set ground rules: It’s important to set boundaries after you have divorced. Many emotions get bottled up, and a man could take it out on their ex-wife by saying hurtful things, or harassing them. Stand your ground, and make it clear to him that it’s over. Limit the phone calls and other communications with each other.

• Get help: A good idea is to talk to a counselor about the anger between you two. The counselor may be able to uncover where this anger is coming from and help you both overcome it. You may be able to achieve a more balanced relationship in which you both decide about your children, if you have them.

• Get a lawyer: If you still have financial ties get a lawyer and come to an agreement with your ex-husband on who gets what. Try to make things go smoothly, don’t hold out for 100% of everything, agree on something reasonable.

• Understand and have compassion: Any divorce is very hard to go through and both people will be hurting. Have compassion if he’s having trouble to control his emotions, is finding it difficult to express his feelings. Everyone deals with their anger and pain in different ways, and only time heals, so show some patience. Letting things go and walking away from arguments can be better than trying to get the upper hand all the time. A conversation is between two people; if you do not respond, he will eventually have to stop arguing and saying hurtful things.

Trying to come to a peaceful deal with your ex-husband can be challenging, but not impossible. The healing process takes a significant amount of time, to forget the bad, to remember the good moments, and to finally move on. Try to talk with him, to understand what he’s feeling, and patiently explain your point of view. If you have to, then limit your relations to dealing with childcare. Remember that your kids gave you the most precious moments of your life together, and they need to have a stable environment.