Verbal abuse and the fallout it creates

We all have our moments when we say stupid things, or fly off the handle and let things fly we wish we hadn’t. Though it is wrong it is still human, and it’s how we feel afterwards, and how we try to make amends, that defines us. Verbal abuse is very different than being cross with someone and regretting it. It’s usually practiced by someone who feels badly about themselves and has become bitter and angry about it. They lash out at those around them. It doesn’t have to be shouting, or include swear words or direct name-calling. If it’s consistent and meant to hurt or belittle you, and it hits home, it’s still verbal abuse. It just comes in many forms, and it’s all about control.

The passive aggressive

There are many types of verbal abuse. As stated before, it isn’t just yelling and screaming obscenities or name-calling. Some people take a passive aggressive approach to verbally abusing those around them. Saying things like, “That looks really great on you — for someone with such an odd shape,” or, “You’re such a pretty girl – for someone who’s so fat,” is abuse when administered regularly. Both statements are still designed to zing you and have a negative effect. They’re backhanded compliments thinly veiled with malice, and shouldn’t be tolerated.

The put-down abuser

This type of verbal abuser needs no catalyst to set them off. They simply dole out the verbal abuse on a regular basis in a snide and nasty manner and, in all likelihood; they don’t even consider what they’re doing as abusive. To them it’s just become second nature, and in their eyes you’re just being overly sensitive if you complain or bring it to their attention. But constantly telling someone they’re stupid or they can’t do anything right or asking them how they got this far in life is still abuse, no matter what, and it chips away at their self-esteem. Once again, don’t tolerate it.

The tyrant

Some verbally abusive aggressors are just full-on tyrants who are relentless in their steady stream of vitriol, and they want everyone around them to feel their pain and hatred while they expend their wrath upon them. Their tirades are legendary, and these types can be just a short step away from escalating their verbal abuse to physical abuse and should be avoided. Anyone who is in a relationship with this type of individual should seriously consider getting out of it before they find themselves in physical danger, as well as the psychological abuse they’re already experiencing.

Loss of self-esteem

The fallout from verbal abuse can, and often does cause a loss of self-esteem in its victims. Oddly enough, abusers themselves suffer from it, and it is because of it that they want you to feel the same way. Loss of self-esteem can have shattering long-term effects that can take years of therapy to get over. Feelings of confusion, inadequacy, and worthlessness can accompany this, that if left unchecked, only serve to further destroy one’s sense of inner self and happiness. It is important not to let these feelings take hold and persist. If you find yourself in any of the above situations it is highly recommended to seek counseling for yourself and any other family members who are subjected to verbal or physical abuse. There are many out-reach programs available to you that can aid you and your family in getting the help you need.