Neil Sedaka was correct when he sang “Breaking up is hard to do” in 1962. In the forty years since then, not much has changed. A separation represents a trying time for any couple, whether it is mutual or one sided, because it not only signals the demise of a once cherished relationship, but also the potential end of friendships, routines, and even family ties.
Although for certain individuals it may seem like the end of the world, time helps put the situation into perspective. Here are some tips for coping with and moving on from a break up.
Focus on you
This is the time for you to rediscover yourself. Many times when we are involved in relationships, we forego our individuality and instead focus on “couple” activities and the likes. While this is a natural occurrence between partners, you should never lose sight of your identity, even when you are involved with someone. During the first weeks of the break up, make your time all about you, your needs, and your emotional health.
Also, don’t forget to pamper yourself. Plan a spa day, go on a shopping spree, or experiment with a fresh, new haircut. Think of it all as a symbolic cleansing of the mind, body, and soul.
Everyone deals with a break up differently. Some people prefer isolation while others lean on family and friends. Whichever is your coping mechanism, you should strive to keep yourself occupied with work, activities, travel opportunities, and new experiences.
If you have been meaning to clean out and reorganize your office, do it! If a friend invites you to Las Vegas for the weekend, seize the moment! This is also the perfect time to scratch something off your bucket list, such as skydiving, learning a new language, joining a reading group, or volunteering at the local woman’s shelter.
Use this time to become the best, strongest, most resilient person you can be by putting yourself front and center. Keep your distance Put true distance between you and your ex. Separations and reconciliations are not always incompatible, but if you and your mate are truly meant to be together, you need to first respect the break up before you can consider a reunion. You also need to show your mate that you are confident and resolved.
The only way to truly do this is to not call him, text him, or see him. Give yourself a month to organize your thoughts, understand the break up, and tend to your bruised heart. Otherwise, you risk losing more than just the relationship, for example, self respect and integrity.
There is no cure all remedy for a break up, but there are steps you can take to ease the pain, a pain we have all felt at one time or another. While you may think that you will never recover, rest assured that you will because no love is greater than the one you should feel for yourself.