Obsession: is he obsessed with you?

Obsession can be a fearful thing, and the inability to let go, or see things rationally, can quickly turn into an emotional illness with frightening consequences if left untreated. So, what happens to cause us to cross the line from enthusiastic to obsessed, and when can we seldom see the unhealthy interest we’ve taken in the subject we’ve focused so intently on?

The mind’s inability to move on to other things is often times connected to our perception of reality. We may feel something deserves more attention than it actually does, and therefore tend to focus on it more. This heightened sense of importance can preoccupy and lead to obsession.

Getting a handle on it is much like fighting the beginnings of an obsessive-compulsive disorder, if you don’t try and control it early on it will just continue to grow. Whether things have gone from healthy to unhealthy overnight, or gradually over a matter of weeks or months, you’ve noticed some changes in his behavior and they’re starting to freak you out a little.

Are you just being paranoid, do you have an inflated sense of ego and self-importance, or is he genuinely obsessed with you? Has he taken to calling you at all hours of the day or night, does he drop by unexpectedly, have you noticed him doing drive-bys in places that he knows he feasibly might see you? If he’s doing any or all of these things unprovoked or un-encouraged by you then chances are he’s taken an unhealthy interest in you.

People who are obsessed often exhibit controlling behavior. If he’s trying to isolate you from family and friends under the excuse of not being able to bear the separation from you when you’re apart, or if he calls and texts you constantly when you’re out with them, this is an attempt to control you. Another example would be when you go out by yourself and he always wants to know when you’ll be back.

If he’s demanding of your time and insists on explanations as to why you were late, even if you’ve just gone to the grocery store, this is another serious red flag. He’ll likely pass it off as being purely out of concern for you. If he starts becoming suspicious and paranoid, or becomes accusatory with you, you’ve definitely got a problem.

Short of deprogramming, the likes of which would be needed for a former Scientology member, you could be in for a rough ride. The decision’s still out on the subject of how to best deal with an obsessed lover or friend. Confronting them could be tricky.

You definitely don’t want to alarm them. If he has family or friends you can discuss it with them first to see if they’ve noticed his strange behavior too, this could be a good first step to take. You may have to stage an intervention of sorts. Discussing it calmly and rationally in an environment where you are going to feel safe is really important.

The flipside is just to shut the relationship down and cut off all communication. This dramatic approach, or even just attempting to phase him out could have some disastrous results, leaving him unhinged and you frightened.

You could end up with a stalker on your hands, so play it safe and use your instincts first and foremost. If you feel the least bit threatened do not stay around the person, find a safe place and then call the police.